Sunday, December 26, 2010

The more you try, the more it just comes crashing down around you.......

So , the past day or so has been good.... Rick and I are actually .... At peace with one another....We had a very very fun night of sexual bliss last night and tonight we are both just exhausted... I took my meds, including my last ambien, and it's starting to take it's affect already so if this comes out like jibberish I'm sorry...I am beginning to wonder why I even try sometimes.... It's like no matter what I do to get us to the top, things NEVER go that way!!!! I keep sitting here, wondering why I even try anymore ? I get this feeling in the pitt of my stomach and then it suddenly rises to my heart and then I get that over welming feeling that makes me just want to break down and cry..... I've made some pretty stupid choices in my life, and apparently I always will! It's like no matter what I try to do to catch up on bill's, I just can't.... I have this baby coming in less than 4 months and I can't do this!  My husband is the most amazing man I have ever met..... He is loving, and tender, and he truly is my best friend..... Even after all we've been through..... I feel like such a failure as a wife and mother ... I never completed the things I wanted to.. I just made excuces as to why I couldn't.... Or wouldn't.. Like going back to school and getting a job so we didn't have to struggle.... Now I have a baby coming, more bill's.... And barely any money..... *sighs* My husband is so amazing I have a suprise for him when I get done writing this.... He loves it when I sing him this song...I haven't  done it in quite awhile... And I know he'll love it.... I'm just beginning to think at this point we're never going to get caught up, and this baby will have almost nothing on his little butt when he comes home!!!!!!!

1 comment:

  1. As for the song yes I love it, But it's been more then a long time since you sung it to me . It's more like years ! And when it comes to being a failure that is on me . I am supposed to be out there working and taking care of my family . I need to do it no matter what the cost to me is . I am so sorry that I am not the provider I should be. I don't deserve a family . The kids and you should have better . And as for Hawk . He will get and have the stuff he needs no matter what I have to do to get it . And yes that includes selling the TV and stuff I have . The kids mean more to me then the few objects that I have .