Thursday, December 30, 2010

I Totally Give The Fuck up!!!!

So, I think that for once things are going to be ok and I can start to relax a little about everything something more happens...I try to get caught up on everything, then I get behind again...It's literally coming down to the wire... January 1 is just literally hours away and I am already having to give up some of the thing's I picked out that were really nice for the baby because we don't have the money.... The sucky thing about it all... I have NO FAMILY or friends that can throw me a shower and help me aquire the thing's that I need for him so I'm left to do this all on my own.... Tomorrow I'm going to go to the Salvation Army and see if I can't find some clothes onesies and such for him that way.... If I thought I felt shitty yesterday, then tonight I just feel like an even bigger piece of it!
  I'm sitting here right now trying not cry.... I feel so useless... I can't even get the thing's that I want to because we just don't have the money... And I can't count on Rick's family to help.. His Mom and Dad are bitching they're broke, and his sister I guess is too worried about her own shit to care....It's time's like this I wish .... Hell, I don't know  what I wish anymore..... Now, I feel like I should just lay down and die and not even be here at all.... I'm just so sick of trying and getting no where.... I am the biggest fuck up that ever lived ..... It will NEVER change... It could have changed, but I was just too stupid and too lazy to make it......... :(  I have a wonderful husband who thinks I'm nothing more than a lazy fat ass bitch who only cares about herself ( which isn't true).... I only deserve what I get.. And I guess Karma is coming back to bite me in the ass......

1 comment:

  1. Yes I agree with you about the family being no help what so ever . But as far as buying " nice things " for Hawk is he really going to give a fuck what color his seat is ? It doesn't matter as long as it works and he's safe ... The color or look is just FOR YOU ! I don't care the kids don't care and the baby sure as hell don't care ... JUST SO LONG AS IT'S NOT PINK ... We just have to cut our bill's down ... We have to take a look at what we have going out and cut back ... As for the salvation army if we look around we can find a lot of good stuff and even new things sometimes ... The important thing is he will be dressed and warm and most of all LOVED !
    Yes I would like to be able to give him the best of everything, But since we can't buy the expensive stuff we'll just have to make do and give him the best we can ... Anyway if I was a wonderful husband or even a decent father I would be able to buy the stuff you wanted for the baby and I sure as hell would be able to give the kids what they want and deserve ...