Tuesday, January 4, 2011

I Can't Keep Doing This......

So, once again we find ourselves at the wonderful time of day... BEDTIME! The kids had a bath for the first time in a few weeks.. ( NO NOT LIKE THAT) Most of the time they take showers because #1. it's easier on us, #2. it takes so long to fill up the bath tub, they make a mess and they like to be in there forever until the water is ice cold! So, I let them take a bath tonight so Shelby could use her bubble bath that Santa brought her... Well, when she gets out I always tell her brush her teeth and let's brush out her hair. If I don't brush out her hair the night before, it's so much of a mess the next morning that she screams.. I told her to get herself dressed and such, and that I would brush out her hair when she was finished... She started with a screaming fit ! She started screaming because I wanted to brush her hair and I wouldn't let her bring a toy into my bedroom that was filled with water and would drip water all over my floor. She screamed for a good 2 hours having a fit! Throwing stuff, threatning to kill me and the baby.... I am in the kitchen trying to do dinner dishes and load the dishwasher and she's all the way at the other end of the house screaming and the baby can still hear her.... He's kicking and flipping up a storm.... I can't deal with much more of this... She has an appointment on the 17th with a physc Dr. to manage her meds but OMG! This is not working... I am going to end up in pre-term labor because of her! Not to mention it stresses me out to the max and Rick certainly isn't getting any better.... Having her put in the hospital is NOT AN OPTION AGAIN! I've done that once and I can't do that to her again... Eventhough I get stressed out and can't handle it, I can't put her in the hospital again so this Dr. better not even try to go there with me! I have recorded video of her on my camera throwing things, screaming, pictures of the stuff she's broken..... I just can't handle this anymore ! Oh let's not forget that I had to fucking hear about how I should just give birth to Hawk and leave and get a divorce! That I'm no good, I'm worthless, I'm a fat ass lazy bitch, ect.... ect.....I'm just so sick of this! At this point I'm begging to be hit by a fucking MAC TRUCK! Maybe then everyone would be happy!

1 comment:

  1. Well as far as Shelby goes yeah she is completely out of control . She needs to be on much stronger medicine that will snap her back in to the real world and not in her own little world where acting like a screaming maniac is a good thing . NONE of us can even stand to be around her anymore . And Jenn you need to stop pretending you give a shit, Beacuse last night LONG AFTER she was calmed down she asked you to put on a movie and you screamed at her trying to get her going again ... Yeah that helps !

    Yes I got pissed yesterday and yes I admit I said some stuff that maybe I should have, But don't you dare sit there and act like your innocent, Your far from it . Example, you do NOT cook for us just for your self . You do NOT get them up in the mornings ( get them dressed, feed them breakfast, Get them out the door for school, get there morning pill's ect ect ect ) thats all on me . Also you don't clean the house . You sure as hell don't act like a wife at all or a mother . It has always been DUMPED on me fully so you could run and or sleep . And the fact is you are LAZY no matter how you cut . When you sleep 12-15 hours a day and lay in bed for up to 20 hours a day that makes you lazy ! Yeah yeah your sick and in pain . But even when I am sick I STILL GET UP AND DO THE THINGS THAT NEED TO BE DONE ! And I am in pain all the time too and yet that doesn't stop me . Hell if I sleep 4 hours a night I am getting a lot of sleep . And as for the divorce thing and leaving the kids with me .I don't want a divorce, But if your never going to help with anything and always stick me with all the work then why in the hell do I need you around ? And if your never going to be under control mentally I cannot spend the rest of my horrible life like this . I just want you to be the NORMAL PERSON you have shown to EVERYONE else . Is that so wrong of me ? I want you to be a "REAL" wife and a "REAL" mother as in treat us good and do things for us that a wife and mother does normally ... Is that really to much to ask for from you ? Everyone would be happy if you showed love and caring . We do not want you getting hit by a truck . I personally just want you to GET THE FUCK UP AND DO YOUR SHARE FOR ONCE ! Fact is I am tired of being mother and father both full time . I want you to give up EVERYTHING just like you FORCED me to do . The problem with you is that you lay there and suck up all the attention and complements for the kids when there babies ( even though you had nothing to do with them out side of giving birth and showing up ONLY when it was good for you ) I am so tired of hearing people say things to you like you deserve them . Example how much of a good mother you are and so on . Fact is they don't see or know the truth or even the REAL YOU that I know first hand .

    So if I get upset and run my mouth from time to time even you should be able to get it and understand why . After all I have GIVEN UP EVERYTHING to take care of the kids and you have given up NOTHING ZERO ZILCH NADA NOTHING ! You got to ENJOY your life these past 8+ years and I have gotten stuck with 100% of the work,stress and so on ... But someone had to stay with them and raise them . NO I AM NOT PERFECT, But at least I have been trying all these years ... And YES I have made my share of mistakes and fuck up's, But I have always there for them ...